Book Review | When a Friend Shares Gay Memories

Between Queens and the Cities by Niranjan Kunwar

Disclaimer: I am a far cry from a book critic and usually, the books on my Kindle tend to centre around slaying dragons and turning invisible. This book, however, is special in more than one way: the writer, Niranjan is a close friend of mine, and I figure (under an alias) in the book. While some people will be familiar with the places in New York and Kathmandu described, I know several of the “characters” and took part in some of the events described from Nir’s point of view. It is hence difficult or maybe impossible to not be biased. However, as the entire book is also a memoir from a deeply personal point of view, I thought it not inappropriate to also share my personal perspective.

No one sings our song. […] But we continue to exist. We continue to imagine possibilities, to dream up phrases and assemble them into sentences, to reach for an instrument and create our own music…

Past Saturday was the Zoom book launch of the first book by Niranjan Kunwar, Between Queens and the Cities, Nepal’s first English written queer memoir. Hosted by KathaSatha and Muna Gurung, writer Manjushree Thapa and blogger Lex Limbu spoke about the importance of this publication by FinePrint before Niranjan took the floor, reading two excerpts. This virtual gathering was attended by around 100 people, from Kathmandu to Vermont. While clapping wasn’t possible, love and congratulations poured through the many heartfelt comments from the audience. A playlist with songs that Nir curated was launched (which I am listening to as I write these lines) and a free creative non-fiction writing workshop for queer writers announced.

Between Queens and the Cities in 305 pages describes the riveting tale of Nir, a 19-year-old Nepali gay man and two decades of his life, going from Kathmandu to New York and returning. It talks about family, blood and chosen, constructed and deconstructed. Though far from ideal, Nepal is one of the more progressive South Asian countries regarding LGBTIQ+ rights. I, as a gay westerner living in Nepal, personally often wondered why this is the case. Is it tolerance due to ignorance, people witnessing things they don’t really understand and just shrugging it off, live and let live? The hard work of organisations like Blue Diamond Society and high profile leaders like Sunil Babu Pant? The way religion is less absolute or sacred here, the many gods that shows aspects of same sex attraction, intersex or fluidity? Discussing with my Nepali friends, gay or others, this is a theme often debated and analysed, without coming to any conclusive answer. It is already hard to understand others, even more so across cultures and mentalities. But none of these discussions provided me with a better crack at it than Niranjan’s book. I consciously use the term crack as a metaphor, a crack through which light seeps into one mind, highlighting life experiences, complicated family relations, traumatic childhoods, international exposures and self discovery. This light provides for me understanding and insights, into depths and high rises. Of course, it still leaves as many shadow areas and questions unanswered, but that is why sequels exist!

During the past six years, I have seen Nir from many sides: a friend helping us create a social circle on our arrival, discovering hikes and countries together, living through the aftermath of the earthquake. We also worked together, with Nir ensuring the educational outreach for plays regarding LGBTIQ issues. And so I thought I knew him pretty well. Turning the pages to his book though, I discovered many hidden depths and lived things differently. I empathized with his longing for a real partnership, how hard it can be, how envious one can get. My heart ached during silent words yelled in the midst of fights, my heart jumped with promising encounters. In our circle of mutual friends, we guessed at people behind the aliases, laughed at anecdotes, regretted the turn of certain events, especially knowing how certain relationships would sour afterwards. Sometimes it was like Nir shared what he saw in the mirror, but even that sharing is seen through our eyes, like an infinity of mirrors superposing, sometimes distorting and confusing, but always touching. At one point in the book, Nir mentions he believes the circle is natural and linear is artificial. He says anyone leaving their homeland owes some kind of return. While I understand his point about things coming full circle, I have always leaned towards the spiral, where we indeed come full circle but due to our experiences, the people we have met, the things we have learned, we have moved a bit further away from our initial centre, constantly spiralling further. Just like you can’t step in the same river twice, it appeals to me that we can be back in the same spot while having changed, remains centered on ourselves while evolving, expanding our horizons and thoughts.

But though this book provides me and possibly other foreigners with insights into Nepali culture, more importantly, it provides inspiration for Nepali people who self identify as different from “a” norm. In a larger sense, it promotes acceptance with and by Nepali readers in a way few others could. While western organisations promote LGBTIQ+ rights, this book accomplishes something no large scale awareness campaign can achieve: change from the inside. While Nir is clearly from a privileged background, the combination of this with his intellect and his intercultural experiences provides him with a unique voice that can explain nuances, translate foreign concepts, and persuade and reassure. A raspy voice like his can plant seeds of acceptance, kindle warm fires of understanding and blow winds of change. Niranjan’s capacity to dream up phrases and assemble them into sentences is his gift, to tell a story, sing a song, so that others may listen and add their voices to the harmony, to the diversity.

From Nepal, you can buy Between Queens and the Cities from FinePrint in Nepal through Thuprai, or Kitab Yatra, from outside of Nepal on Amazon. For one week only, these beautiful hardcovers originally at R̵s̵.̵ ̵7̵8̵0̵, are now Rs. 585, and autographed by the author himself through this form.